doubly posted young thing.

forgive her, she's no good.

it's unbelievable how

as the day passes I am feeling more morose

"i have a defective daughter here I would lie exchange for someone more polite" my mother's thoughts I'm sure at this moment in time.

ugh and as the years go.

halogen heart ii

reiterate what I used to say
when nights were young and whispers of betrayal
were merely playful suggestion.
[don't wander that way, it's too close to the dark]

don't taste what he brings you in pretty packages
madness will surely follow and we don't want that now
[you follow what I say because...because I know best]

"poetry is escape art
and escape art is trickery
and trickery is necessity
and necessity is irrelevant, just like me." [inspiration... corgan the inner recesses of his mind]

do you have the time baby do you
increase the suffering by slitting wrists and all sorts of teenaged things; i'm so bored as a drone.

i can't even see you (when do i ever)
and this has no relevance to what it did before
(it started with a dream, it was all a dream)

this is shadow, this is rain

cheers to never feeling the same.

and we are nowhere, nothing, shadows in the corridor, skeletons sipping tea in the parlor.

and I really was beautiful once. oh honest. why am i always cold and why do my feet ache and why do i feel like i am going blind am i going blind?

dirty girl shameful girl nothing girl

and i hope she drowns

bound to be sick to her stomach with goodness

well then just stop. really you don't have to do it but if you're going to complain DON'T EVEN FUCKING BOTHER.

quit while you're still ahead, it's not that difficult. and the world subsides and the world subsides and all i feel is emptiness. and why do you ask me questions i can't answer?

I am chilled all the time. i don't want to be here. I want to crawl in bed and finish the job because i have already died inside.

"because i'm in love with my sadness" (corgan from the pages of his mind).

and you're all so materialistic god it's sickening. I once said that I couldn't hate anyone. That isn't true, because i can hate myself

I wish to stop eating because I want to see what happens. it starts today. it starts today. (but I know what happens and I don't care it's different for everyone can't you see)

i can do this
wish me luck
i am [not] brave

yes. so.

boys like girls and boys like boys and girls like boys and girls like girls and is there really an inbetween?

girls like boys and girls boys like girls and boys.

I'm a boy. no. i wish sometimes to be a boy for just a day. what's so damn great huh?

"suffers from dormant wrist"

I fear that my nails will disappear into my fingers. I hope they do, I'm in some dire need of entertainment.

no longer ill at ease. it's boring -- it's pathetic even -- i need to get into some trouble with the law.
stop tracking me stop changing me.

you're not that great of a singer but your voice is intriguing.

I haven't thought of you in days except for right now! It makes me happy!

I wonder if this is the reason I write. So that no one tries to help me because they can't interpret what I'm saying. and i speak in fragments and phrases because it's appropriate. it's how i think.

iwishiwerentalwayswrong

i shut that gate on him.

i thought I would have something to write upon coming here but it doesn't appear so.

soaking in the music, trying to keep this feeling of indifference for as long as I can.
it's nicer than sadness, it's better than those spikes of pure joy that last mere seconds
and still i would rather feel this nothingness

I have already met the love of my life but we are not realizing yet
and there is someone in this world with eyes further apart than mine

"when i grow up I want to be nothing at all"

"hey" easy for you to say "i don't know, i think I'm in love with him."
and I'm sorry is no excuse for what I've done.

i'm a monster but I love it.

dear youontheothersideoftheworld

If you are reading this I commend you for finding it because it was never sent. In fact, it isn't supposed to be written. This is my letter to you inside my head, not the first and never the last, even splinters of a letter counted. I miss you. I wish I could love you.

The lights shine in Beijing, I hope you're thinking of me. I doubt a thought crosses your mind. We're bitter (I'm bitter). I'm convinced by now that you hate my existence and that I am useless to you. I probably am but a small thought of kindness would do wonders.

Let's go. Let's go away from everyone.

Opportunity rides by and laughs in my face, but your laugh stings more because you are something I can reach out and grasp. You are the spokesperson for the elitist generation, I swirl with the crowd.

songs for sad souls

She was silent, eyes ink blue, endless.

don't be a fool.

just smile!

the talking just makes me smile, thin but true

I've been lax because i forgot to care. oh monstrous, oh strange.

I think I like punk more because of the anger and simplicity. spikes are attractive. packaging hate and spite into three chords. alienation in studs, hair dye, lips rings. Only then can I imagine the sneer on his face as he sings.

you can never be too unhappy pretending you know. and I love you from afar, but i don't love you because I cannot love you nor I will not love you.

Unashamed of who you are? Well, you should be.

create and disintegrate

disappointment is valid. anger is not.

"What hempen homespuns have we swaggering here?"

she spoke of love and conquest and I couldn't help but stare out the window and observe life passing me by.

please please please

Fakes.

they will feel my wrath soon enough.

I was in love with a difficult man.

he was dead, he was dead, with eyes blue and hopeless, lost on cheekbones defined with vapid young ones screaming and grabbing at and crying uselessly oh shut up why won't you.

and his hands were cracked with worry and his eyes burnt by fatigue and spite. and she growled at him let me go let me go. he never liked them vicious. it's hard to be him, it's hard to be him.

eyeliner drip, heavy mascara tears. nothing nothing. please, my dear, no one believes you anymore. so stop trying. beads, silver beads looped round once and suddenly it's "you're so beautiful, you're so frail, let me take you home and baby you"

drip drop you are the lie, don't you get it.

and grasped from the far corners of the mind, putting yourself on display is often easier than lying. the truth is not easily swallowed. pink hair and white lie intentions. and we are the children of other people, people who stopped existing when they were our age. smoke cigarettes and stare off in your own world you brittle little thing.

he was dead, he was dead, but he rose again and now screams and tells all with a vengeance unlike that of fables, knights and dragons colliding head to head. he is alive, he is whole, he is something of little value and worth but to the kids with lost hopes and dreams and hair as false as their personas, they scream with him and he can forget that he is beautiful. he can forget the curse.

you still can't decipher the ticking of his soul. he has a murmured heart beat like love notes in the dark, and still you can't write what you feel. your voice is silenced. you have nothing to do. boredom isn't safe for the young. you will do something you regret, stop stop stop or you will have to drag me with you.

well well well

I can't float. You make me ache because I can't save you. PLEASE LET ME SAVE YOU. You have to let me in.

can't float NO PILLS

they don't help me anymore they make me feel worse should i take more or less. i want to take more i want to take the whole bottle.

no one has time for me anymore.

that's exactly it.

a little boy in a boat over the sea

Today is the fourth of July and you know what? I don't care.

Oh mercy me, god bless catastrophe.

I feel nothing. I'm a statistic and I'm fine with it.

hello dears.

Lost at sea again. Feeling headachy and hopeless.

Sometimes I wish for his eyes again and sometimes no. I feel rather silly telling stories I know to myself, but hopefully it helps.

Good day to you all.

the boy at the end of the world, i salute your last efforts