there is no illusion here

i wish there could be but there is no hint of it, even in my voice. my sadness now consumes me and I wish I could stop it but i can't.

i don't feel worthy of it and I wish I could I wish for a lot of things.

i wish I could distract myself from these things I don't even know WHY i'm sad. there is something in a good song that makes the teeth in the grin peek out just slightly. are you alone? are you actually or is it just a feeling?

i am nothing and i wish i couldn't feel this. but I can. it's a burden? a blessing? the curse, the love, the only thing i wish I could look for in you. ssso unrealistic. i can't help but hope for something more than what I am seeing.

blackwood, there is no resistance now

I look back and realize I'm a pretentious fuck. hmm.

felt oddly like home or something and repeating the same miakes and the words flow together i recall t feelings when I read the words

i'm not that hard to decode try me try me
well if you know me anyway do you?

this is piracy it's privacy and it's all I asked for really i feel wretched and cold and i can't even comprehend what i'm typing and it's scaring me a little bit and I wish I knew what I was saying and I'm freaking out xadjkkdkjgt

i still feel like there is no escape from my mind. oh help me something someone? why do I keep asking this if no one will respond or care?

i still don't know what's happening.