when I can't sleep (want to, but can't, will force myself not to) I write. Go me.
I wonder what it would be like if I had been born a genderless human. Or more androgynous than I am. Because no matter what I wake up as, how I see myself in my mind and on paper, when I look in the mirror I see the face of a girl -- heart face and round eyes, blue ice and strange October features on a December baby. "you are mine" (michaelson 10). I hate waking up a boy because I feel it in my bones and skin. I dont' have boy pants, so I wear whatever pants I find and band T-shirts with a high neckline, black with sleeves past the armpits so people don't see the lack of shaving. I wear jean jackets and sneakers and feel my vocal range become husky and low. I see girls in the street. Today I was a person. I wore a skirt and a band T-shirt. I felt like a foreigner in my own body.
I don't know why this is happening to me, but I'll go with it. who knows? it might shape me as a person. every other fucked up thing has, after all.
