I'm writing this letter to you as though you were alive and able to read this. I hope that by the time you are the age I am now, you know more than I do. I am a different person than I was even in September. I have made more mistakes than I am willing to say. I have not lived life as I should, choosing instead to lament. Even this letter is self-serving. I hope for you to read this and say, "Wow, my mother is/was/maybe will never be a wise lady."
Perhaps you will never come. It is far too early to tell.
I want you to live your life as I am not living. Be yourself and don't be self conscious. Somehow I know that you're beautiful and I want you to show that beauty. Smile and scream to the sun. Do not lie down and wait for something to take you. a that chance. If I am there I will hold you up but you will have to fly away on your own. And I will sob and wave goodbye as you make the ascent. It will be nothing short of breathtaking.
You will go further than I can. You will reach the stars when I could only reach the clouds.
I still don't know where life will take me. I think you will come along but it's a matter of when. I hope I can remember this letter to you and leave it for you after I'm gone (but not necessarily after I'm dead). You will sit by my bedside and read this and cry. Or maybe you won't cry. I know somehow you are stronger than I will ever be. I already love you and I don't even know you. Isn't that something.
Be true. Stay gold. Be all the things you read in books but mostly be who you are in your heart.
I wish you everything,
your maybe mother
